Things I Hate


This one is so obvious I shouldn’t even have to write it. But since there are people out there who are so busy they only have time to read when they’re operating a vehicle, I’ll include it for their benefit. When you’re driving down any multi-lane thoroughfare in the far left lane, merge right so faster cars can pass. Even if you’re the fastest car on the highway, move to your right. Passing on the left is safer. In Europe, it’s the only side that’s legal. Drivers who justify squatting in the fast lane because they’re going the speed limit are even bigger assholes than the lunatics who fly by on the right side doing a hundred and six. The left lane is for passing—not reading, applying make-up, finishing homework, copulating or playing video games. Ditto dialing your cell phone. On the controversial subject of answering the phone behind the wheel, I’ve earned the right to talk and drive. I’m one of those dicks who wears one of those really gay headsets.

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