"Not another motorcycle build! You haven't ridden the CB450 Street Tracker you barely finished last April."
As I've said before every other motorcycle project I've tackled with blind ambition and reckless intent, it only takes a spark to get the garage fires burning. OK—so I've never actually said anything that gay, but friends and fellow backstreet builders can relate to my dilemma.
I like to build motorcycles.
In 2004, football winnings and an alligator skin was all it took to get things rolling.
In 2005, the naive assumption that a Softail frame and Sportster motor would end my frustration and discomfort with rigid Big Twins dragged me into the Sportfighter project.
In 2006 I jumped into the Smokin' Gun on little more than a promise from my friend Andy Jenkins to do the paint.
And in 2007 my friend Maximum Bob donated his basket case CB450, a feat of generosity that culminated last spring in the maiden voyage on my most stylish and ambitious project to date.
The Street Tracker was still waiting for a tune-up when Lisa Ballard won a beautiful 1020 DOM steel Spartan Big Twin frame at last month's Ground Zero Throwdown. I fell in love with the Spartan frame the minute I saw it, and the wheels started turning again.
At the Las Vegas Bike Fest last week, I loaned a hand to my friend Kutty Noteboom. His recently finished custom chopper "The Plum Smuggler" was giving him fits, and between cussing and kicking we chatted with Duane Ballard about the virtues of electric start. After the third abortive attempt to breathe life into his sexy magneto-equipped Shovelhead, Kutty announced he has nothing more to prove, and that his next bike would be a late-model Big Twin with all the creature comforts members of the douchebag nation enjoy.
If a push-button Big Twin is good enough for the star of "Choppertown," it's certainly good enough for me. I asked the man behind Hippy Killer Garage if he had any motors and transmissions in his stable, and Kutty said, "I can get you one for a song, fully polished and ready for carb and electricals."
Sold.
Next week I am taking a down payment to my friend, and his search for a powerplant for my Spartan frame will begin.
Okay—I've got a Spartan frame and a line on a Hippy Killer powerplant… now what?
How's this.
Hop-up magazines of every stripe are famous for cashing in their First Amendment chips for the occasional sweet hook-up from friends and advertisers… why can't online media exercise the same freedom? I joined chopperdom's journalistic ranks when we launched ChopCult.com last summer, so the opportunity to share the cyber spotlight was simply too good to pass up. In the two days since launching this build thread on our message board, a dozen friends, chopper fanatics and riding buddies have volunteered free parts and services for my cause.
I've dubbed that cause the ChopCult SpartanKiller.™
To follow my exploits on garage build #5, please visit my build thread often. I won't be repeating any updates on this blog, but if something appropriately stupid or absurd occurs behind the scenes, I will expand upon it here.
Thanks to everyone who has already volunteered their tools and talents. I'll try to repay your kindness and earn your respect by building the sickest outlaw chopper ever.
Okay, maybe not the sickest, but definitely the gayest…
(the list grows here.)
3 comments:
sounds gay for sure!
ya can't spell HOAX without 'Ho'
Woo-Hoo!!!
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