"One Adam-12, We Have a Defecation in Progress…"

Tonight I was stalked and accosted by a pedal-powered rent-a-cop while walking my 20-pound dog on a public sidewalk adjacent to a large office building across the street from my home. Willis was sniffing for the perfect spot to shit when Officer Friendly bellowed his instructions in a commanding voice, "Do not let your dog use the bathroom on this property!"

Unperturbed, Willis dropped a loaf while I made light of the situation with the old saw, "You aren't going to shoot me with that walkie-talkie, are you," to which the rent-a-cop replied, "No, but if you attack me…"

What I did next rendered the security guard speechless:

I laughed in his face.

"No, but if you attack me…"

Come on—are you kidding me?


1 comment:

jenks said...

Haha... then he let you take his picture? That dude looks like he thinks he's going to be attacked.