Meta Data

Everyone by now should be aware of the insidious digital footprints their web activity leaves behind in the sands of the Internet. Google uses this data to select and fine-tune which ads appear on the pages you visit. Websites like Huffington Post, for instance, depend on ad click-thru's to generate income. If the banners on this site didn't appeal to its viewers, Arianna's news feed would go tits up. Thanks to Google, the ads that appear for a middle-aged motorcycle enthusiast are different than those for, say, a creepy homosexual.

Or are they?

From the cyber crumbs I've left behind, Google thinks these products might appeal to me:

What complex algorithm does Google apply to extrapolate these recommendations from the billion bits of meta data my cybersurfing leaves behind? It's creepy and invasive, but mostly it's just wrong. If I wore chaps, I wouldn't need an external catheter for truckers… I'd simply whip it out and piss on my ten individually packaged toes.

Although if you'll pardon the pun, that Fleshlight does look handy…


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