Creepy confession #69: porn kingpin, one-time US Presidential candidate, born-again atheist and crippled civil rights whipping boy Larry Flynt has been one of my heroes since I was 12 years old. How does a prepubescent BMXer get his hands on the stuff Larry's legend was made of? My mother's boss was a lecherous judge with a sweet tooth for box. Hustler magazine was more common in the Schultz home than The Harvard Law Review—not hard to believe when you learn His Honor earned his J.D. at Georgetown. I always thought mom's boss was cool, and the knee-high stack of skin rags in his guest bathroom did nothing to tarnish the man's mystique in my sex-crazed mind.
Recently I learned mom's employer, trusted legal counsel and cherished friend is battling cancer. Preoccupied though he might be with his own plight, I'm sure Robert Schultz is as tickled by Larry Flynt's plea to Congress for a $5 billion dollar bailout of the Porn Industry as I am.
In his letter to Congress the muff mogul said this:
"People are too depressed to be sexually active. This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can live without cars, but they cannot live without sex."
My hero's tongue-in-cheek request seems only half in jest. If America's Car Kings can get $17 billion to keep their sinking ships afloat, why not her Prince of Poon?
How the Obama Administration reacts to Larry's letter remains to be seen. Faced with similar misfortunes in her own empire, Marie Antoinette might have said…
"Let them eat pink."
1 comment:
I love it! I'm all for it! Save sex and let us all walk. Screw the auto bailout. It's better for our hearts, waistlines and gonads!
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