Things I Hate


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“Hey, was’up?”
“Nothing, what are you doing?”
“Just tryin’ to figure out what everyone is doing.”
“Me too. Wanna do something later.”
“Yeah—what do you wanna do?”
“I dunno. Justin said he talked to a guy who’s having a party, but he hasn’t called me back.”
“When he calls you back, give me a call. I’ll call Britney and see what she wants to do.”
“Cool. And if I hear from anyone else I’ll give you a call.”
“Sick. I’ll call you later.”

What just happened here? Nothing. That’s because the willingness and ability to commit to a social agenda is diminishing in inverse proportion to the number of new cell phones being activated on the planet. There’s a time on the horizon when everyone in the free world will have a cell phone. When that day comes, all of humanity will be so busy calling itself to find out what’s happening that nothing will get done. Cell phone-induced atrophy will result, and the civilized world will grind to a halt. Final word of our complete demise will be transmitted via global text messaging by the last person on Earth with something to do. Can you hear me now? Good—now go DO something instead of talking about it with your friends.

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