2.04.2009

Words to Live By?

Remember the hackneyed axioms your old man used to trot out whenever the time seemed right to put an exclamation mark on another one of life's hard lessons? The pearls of wisdom thrown before this young swine were dispensed by my mom and my two uncles, but the brevity and levity of their words still make me laugh and think. You're not likely to find any of these gems in Reader's Digest:

"Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach work for the government."

Utter horse shit. Many of the best people I know are teachers, and we're beginning to see a number of honorable new faces in the bureaucratic sector. Clearly the words of a trailer park Republican.

"Money can't buy happiness, but I'll take rich and miserable over poor and elated any day."

There are billionaires among us who have used their fiscal dominance to beat AIDS and cancer. If that doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will.

"Life is a shit sandwich. The more bread you've got, the less shit you have to eat."

Hard to argue with this one.

"Profanity if the literary crutch of ignorant motherfuckers."

This may be true, but there's a terseness and dearth of ambiguity in terms like "cocksucker" and "ass hat"  that eliminate all room for doubt. If politicians would turn their backs on the rules of civil discourse once in a while and just say things like, "Rich bastards need to pay their goddamned taxes," C-Span would be the number one network on cable. 

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